By Joanie Marx
Perhaps no day out of the year tugs at our heart strings, feeds our desire for romance and raises issues about our sense of worthiness for true love as much as Valentine’s Day. While everyone has their own opinion about what this day means to them, what few realize is the role Seven Baby Boomer Myths play in amplifying our anxieties around being alone on Valentine’s Day and how the myths shape our expectations about love.
As Baby Boomers, we understand the trials and tribulations of chasing the desires of our heart. But we are not alone in this. Our path to fulfillment has often been blocked by seven myths that not only shaped our upbringing, but also served as a foundation for raising all generations that followed.
These seven myths have played as much a role in the lives of the generations that followed boomers as they have for the generation that helped weave these myths into the collective consciousness and a global scale. Before we can break them, we must first understand what they are and the role they play in our lives.
1. Myth of Scarcity: The root of all myths says you cannot have all that you want because there is not enough abundance for everyone.
2. Myth of Shame and Blame: The myth that says you must follow the rules, respect your elders and do not question authority. To question authority results in you being shamed and blamed into submissive silence. This myth protects the status quo, serving as the foundation for the fortress that keeps intact all other myths.
3. Myth of Aging: Society has been conditioned to perceive aging as an ugly, painful and distasteful disease. Therefore, as you get older the belief you are not sleek or sexy underscores the desire to seek outside gratification in a myriad of forms.
4. Myth of Love: The myth of scarcity dictates the prevailing belief is there is not enough love to go around. Therefore, love is fickle; it hurts and cannot be trusted.
5. Myth of Prince Charming: The carrot dangled in front of society that says if you follow the rules, we will live happily ever after. And the rules state that fulfillment is not within but outside of you. Thus, Prince Charming symbolizes your outside search to fulfill an inner void of abandonment and unworthiness.
6. Myth of Self-Worth: This myth strips you of your self-worth as it is predicated on the belief that the only way to be loved and appreciated is to please everyone but yourself. Whatever the criteria is to gain approval and be accepted it is widely accepted that it must be met or exceeded otherwise you have little social value.
7. Myth of Physical Beauty: To be physically youthful and beautiful is to be loved, admired and wanted. Inner beauty is spoken of, but carries little social value. If perceived as unattractive and ugly, you are deemed undesirable, unwanted and easily discarded.
SIX EASY-TO-APPLY TIPS FOR BREAKING THE MYTHS
These seven myths, and many others that were offshoots of them, reinforced the belief that there wasn’t enough love to go around. The ever-present fear of losing what we love produced an emotional disconnect between our true value and what society was raised into believing carried social value.
Whether it was a person, job or any number of materialistic items we sought out for our fulfillment, the conceptualization of Prince Charming has become a symbol for a lack of self-love. Our idea of being loved and acknowledged was placed in outside pursuits, where our temporary sense of self-worth is projected onto everything from facelifts, loveless marriages, joyless jobs, money and anything we can use not to face the harsh realities of our guilty pleasures of denial.
The secret for breaking the myths is self-love. This is less about being narcissistic and more about knowing you are worthy of giving and receiving love. You cannot look for someone to fulfill your deficits, which is to say you cannot expect someone to provide you what you are lacking within. A person who is unhappy will likely be uncomfortable receiving love because they have yet to look within themselves and accept the fact that they are truly worthy of self-love.
To own what it is you are looking for is being the Prince Charming you seek. You are your own Prince Charming. With that in mind, here are six easy-to-apply tips for breaking the seven Baby Boomer myths and learning to love yourself. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.
1. Be what it is you seek: People are always saying how much happier they would be if someone was in their life. But who wants to be with someone who is miserable? Accepting ourselves worthy of love releases us of our need to set up unrealistic scenarios that are ripe for disappointment, as is the case for millions on Valentine’s Day.
2. Reframe your perception: Rules for dating and how the seven myths affect each person will vary from one family and culture to the next, but they all have one thing in common. They produce and foster a fear of love. We were taught that love would hurt if we didn’t obey the rules and myths. When you reframe your perception of love around your own sense of worthiness, you inevitably reframe how you see yourself. This opens the doors to accepting yourself as our own Prince Charming.
3. Adopt new beliefs: If you’re going to live a quality life and enjoy the romance you deserve a new set of beliefs are required. This is not about rehashing old paradigms with a slight twist to them. It means no longer being willing to live through someone else’s perception of who they think you should be, but instead living the life deserving of who you really are.
4. Be a Rebel: By surrendering your need to control the uncontrollable, you free yourself from the belief that love is both scarce and hurtful. This means when you stop chasing after love and instead learn to genuinely love yourself, you are being a rebel by the mere fact you no longer follow society’s belief or rules that your fulfillment is outside of you.
5. Reconnect with your inner self: Knowing who you are means you will not fall for anyone or anything that suggests you act, do or be in a way that is not in your best interest. When we reconnect with our authentic self through forgiveness and gratitude our thoughts and desires become aligned with what brings us real, sustainable happiness.
6. Be authentic: Whatever your motivation is for meeting new people, be it on Valentine’s Day or not, there is something motivating-the person you are interacting with. A key ingredient to being authentic is to understand-what is motivating the other person and determine if it is in alignment-with you. This goes a long way to ensuring you won’t be swayed into sacrificing your happiness and sense of self-worth for temporary gratification.
Want to learn more about the Seven Baby Boomer Myths and how you can Refocus & Renew Your Life™ right now? Go to Amazon today and order my #1 Amazon Best Selling book, “Facelifts, Money and Prince Charming: Break Baby Boomer Myths and Live Your Best Life”.
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#1 Amazon Sest Selling Author, Hollywood actress, and Baby Boomer Advocate, Joanie Marx is your ideal guest for your show.
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If the above is in alignment with your audience and event, you’re invited to take a few minutes to watch CLIPS from a few of Joanie Marx’s radio and television interviews.